iFAQ

This is the Infrequently Asked Questions page, no relation either to an iPod or an iPAQ. These are some of the questions that I think I should be frequently asked, but nobody really wants to know.

What are your physical stats?

Adequately capacious and with ample parking.

Where do you live?

I live in Willimantic, Connecticut. Willimantic has recently been known as "Heroin Town." Nice, hm? I don't partake in this apparently popular import, but I would like to say that while nobody denies that Willimantic has a drug problem, it hardly defines what the town really is. Despite all its less flattering attributes, Willimantic has a quirky charm that I enjoy. Incidentally, I designed their website.

Where’d you go to school?

By school, I imagine that you mean college (who cares where I attended first grade). That would be Eastern Connecticut State University, and I graduated with a bachelor's degree in computer science.

What are your politics?

I'm a democrat, if that's what you mean; I don't think too much of our current President's politics. But don't get me started...

What’s that look on your face in the picture?

You might have noticed that my eyes are rather thin slits, which is the way they always are. If I smile, they disappear entirely, buried by mountains of cheek. So the look is a bit mischievous, an intentional alternative to a big grin.

What do you do during the day?

Ah, you wouldn't believe it! I design websites and program in ASP and JavaScript. I opine on every subject, with or without invitation.

And at night, after work?

My social life can be described in one word: dull. Of course, I do teach in the evenings during the spring and fall semesters, so that breaks up the monotony.

What gets you up in the morning?

Generally, the alarm clock.

What we mean is what motivates you?

Ah. Making people laugh. It's what I live for.

Are you married?

No.

Will you marry me?

Probably not, but I'm negotiable.

Any brothers or sisters?

No, but I do know people who have brothers and sisters.

What do you think other people say about you?

If you're a potential employer, please proceed to the next question. I'm not much of a team player. A trifle arrogant, definitely an intense personality. Sometimes funny. But anything else is too rude for this website.

You mentioned pets. Can you say more?

Weezy is a wee-little 7-pound Silky Terrier. Full of life, good humor, and intelligence, she lights up the house with her personality. She likes to watch TV, but mostly just the commercials.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

When do you grow up, exactly? I like web design, graphic design, event coordinating, computer programming, and more. Along the way, I'm diversifying my talents.

What is your greatest strength?

My curiosity. Does this sound like a job interview question, or what?

What is your greatest weakness?

Now this is definitely a job interview question. You know, I can be a bit brusque in my handling of some people and situations. Since I am aware of this weakness, I strive to be very conscious of how others will perceive my words and actions, yada, yada.

What are your favorite places on the web?

Certainly some of the sites I've designed, but numerous others can be found on the constantly changing Sites of the Day area of my classroom resources.

What are your least favorite places on the web?

Certainly some of the sites I've designed, but so many others that I despair to even try to list them all. Or any.

Real web designers don’t use FrontPage.

That's not a question, by the way. FrontPage can be used poorly (think Themes and other such FrontPage garbage) to create ghastly sites that were obviously made in FrontPage. Or, it can be used well to create just about any website you can imagine.

How do you feel about hit counters?

I hate them. Intensely. No, really. Get that stupid counter off your page and check out site statistics. Just about every web host in the world should have them. If not, change hosts.

Is your website Flintstones themed?

Honestly, do I sound like I'm into the Flintstones? The answer is no, my website is not Flintstones themed. It's a curious coincidence, but an accidental one, I assure you.

What are a few things you find irritating?

Underlining. High octane "perky" personalities. Mullets. Romantic comedies.

Are there things you actually like?

Yes, indeed. I like little "To top" links to be embedded in the bottom right corner of every webpage. In a relatively unrelated area, I love my TiVo.

What is a TiVo?

You haven't heard of a TiVo?! It's just the most fabulous invention for television ever created by mankind. If you don't have one, put on your shoes and run right down to the local electronics mart and get one!

What do you like to watch on TV?

I love shows on HBO like Deadwood, The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, etc. And Bullsh*t on Showtime.

Did you see that episode of Seinfeld when...

Let me stop you right there. Unless it's a britcom like Are You Being Served, I don't really watch sitcoms.

What kind of movies do you like?

I like to be entertained when I pay $9.75 (or whatever it is this week) to get in the theater, so I don't like anything too brainy. I do love James Bond.

What is your favorite expression?

A camel is a horse designed by committee.

Is pork sausage better than turkey sausage?

Yes, at least from a turkey's point of view.

What is your favorite thing to eat?

Oh, lots of things. I love Italian food. And those little Nerds candies.

What is your favorite thing to drink?

If we're talking alcoholic, think anything with an umbrella. If we're talking non-alcoholic, I'm good with almost any kind of soda that's not diet.

Do you like beer?

No. Well, I did drink a Smithwicks once (it's pronounced "smit-iks"). It wasn't bad, really.

If life were a salad, which vegetable would you be?

Life would have to be a fruit salad, and I see myself as the plate.